【原文】
可爱的中国（节选）
方志敏
[1]朋友，我相信，到那时，到处都是活跃的创造，到处都是日新月异的进步，欢歌将代替了悲叹，笑脸将代替了哭脸，富裕将代替了贫穷，康健将代替了疾病，智慧将代替了愚昧，友爱将代替了仇恨，生之快乐将代替了死之忧伤，明媚的花园将代替了暗淡的荒地！[2]这时，我们民族就可以无愧色的立在人类的面前，而生育我们的母亲，也会最美丽地装饰起来，与世界上各位母亲平等的携手了。[3]这么光荣的一天，决不在辽远的将来，而在很近的将来，我们可以这样相信的，朋友！
选文摘自方志敏于1935年在狱中写就的《可爱的中国》，作者概述了自己艰辛的革命经历，讴歌了“生育我们的祖国母亲”，深切之情溢于言表。
文章标题参赛者一般译成 Lovely China、The Lovable China、Beloved China（Excerpt）、Adorable China (Excerpt) 等，似乎合理，但仔细品味，发现此语亦可出自外国人之笔，而更为确切的译法可以是：My Beloved Motherland – China (Excerpt)。
[1]中的排比部分“欢歌将代替了悲叹……明媚的花园将代替了暗淡的荒地！”，不少参赛者译成：…Cheerful sound of singing will replace mournful lament. Smiling face will replace crying face. Wealth will replace poorness. Health will replace disease. Wisdom will replace ignorance. Friendly affection will replace enmity. The happiness of life will replace the sadness of death. Brilliant garden will replace dim wasteland / ...where sad sighs are replaced by merry songs, weeping faces are replaced by smiling faces, poverty is replaced by wealth, illness is replaced by health, ignorance is replaced by wisdom, hatred is replaced by friendship, sadness of death is replaced by happiness of birth and barren lands are replaced by beautiful gardens. / …There will be joyful songs instead of lament，smiling faces instead of crying faces，richness instead of poverty, health instead of disease, wisdom instead of ignorance，friendship instead of hatred，the happiness of living instead of the sadness of death, bright gardens instead of bleak wasteland！下画线均为笔者所加，可见其中重复部分。应当说，“文似看山不喜平”是条普遍规律；除非有特殊表述，一般应避免重复。
例如，“向促改革要动力，向调结构要助力，向惠民生要潜力，既扩大市场需求，又增加有效供给，努力做到结构调优而不失速”（We promoted reform to gain impetus for development, made structural adjustments to produce support for development, and improved living standards to increase the potential for development. We both expanded market demand and increased effective supply, working to ensure that structural adjustments were made without compromising the growth rate），其中的三个“向……要”分别采用了不同的词语和句式，既避免了重复，又使语势产生波澜。再如，朱自清的名篇《匆匆》：“洗手的时候，日子从水盆里过去；吃饭的时候，日子从饭碗里过去；默默时，便从凝然的双眼前过去。”可译为：Thus the day flows away through the sink when I wash my hands; vanishes in the rice bowl when I have my meal; passes away quietly before the fixed gaze of my eyes when I am lost in reverie. 原文中三个分句都重复了“过去”，译文则分别采用flows away、vanishes、passes away 三个同义词组进行对应，既构成了和原文相似的、平行的句法结构，又避免了完全的重复。有时，即便是一短句，高超的译者也会避免重复，如老舍的《月牙儿》中有一句“妈对我很好，而且有时候极庄重的说我：‘念书！念书！’”著名翻译家沙博理的译文：She was so good to me, always urging, “Read your books, study hard!” 即以字面的变形体现了内在的忠实。
当然，也有一些参赛者意识到了这个问题，采取了种种“避免”措施，如：Paean will overwhelm the lament, smile will displace the tear, prosperity will eliminate the privation, health will vanquish the disease, wisdom will enlighten the folly, love will transform the hatred, the joy of life will dilute the sorrow of death, vigorous garden will spring the bleak wasteland! / We will sing joyful songs rather than sad sighs, our smiles spread but our tears dissipate, our people are well off instead of poor, health drives illness far away, people hold wisdom and abandon ignorance, friendships replace hostilities, the pleasure of life dispels the sorrow of death, the bright garden turns into gloomy wasteland! 等，显出不同的译文质量。
其实，领悟原文，这是一幅泼墨山水画，写意大于写实，主要讲将来比现在更好，美丽会战胜丑恶，光明必取代黑暗；故可不必过于拘泥细节上的对等，而不妨采取“肢解”“重组”“合并同类项”等技法，以求“神似”。具体而言，“到那时”是指中国总有改天换地的那一天，见证着“日新月异的进步”（China will one day truly transform itself, witnessing its rapid progress）；而新天地的总体蓝图是“生之快乐将代替了死之忧伤，明媚的花园将代替了暗淡的荒地”（where a joyful life will replace the netherworld; bright gardens will supplant bleak wastelands），不妨提前译出，统领该段；“悲叹”“哭脸”“贫穷”“疾病”“愚昧”“仇恨”这些象征旧社会的面容将被新时代所荡涤，成为历史（sadness, grief, poverty, exhaustion, ignorance, hatred will all have become things of the past）；而“活跃的创造”“欢歌”“笑脸”“富裕”“康健”“智慧”“友爱”指的是在美好愿景中新人的风貌（people, instead, will be innovative, cheerful, happy, rich, healthy, intelligent and kind）。故整段不妨译为：Dear friends, I believe that China will one day truly transform itself, witnessing its rapid progress, where a joyful life will replace the netherworld; bright gardens will supplant bleak wastelands; and sadness, grief, poverty, exhaustion, ignorance, hatred will all have become things of the past; people, instead, will be innovative, cheerful, happy, rich, healthy, intelligent and kind. 从而力求与原文的“整体对等”效果。
[2]中，“无愧色的立在人类的面前”（因那时还不分“的”“地”，此处实则为“地”），参赛者一般译成 can stand up unashamedly at the front of the human / we san sand in front of all mankind without shame / can be truly worthy of taking a stand before mankind，其中的“无愧色”既可如原文“反说”（without shame），亦可“正说”（be truly worthy of、proudly）；“而生育我们的母亲，也会最美丽地装饰起来，与世界上各位母亲平等的携手了”，许多人译成：And, our motherland, which give birth to us, will be best decorated and join hands with those of other nations as equals / and the mother who gives birth to us will be decorated most beautifully and will work hand in hand with the mothers of the world / so our great mothers, who gave birth to us, will get beautifully dressed and join hands together with all other mothers in the world.不免有些过“实”。应当说，“无愧色的立在人类的面前”和“与世界上各位母亲平等的携手”是一种并列表述，故可将“我们民族”和“我们的母亲”联系起来；“最美丽地装饰”，若修饰人，不宜用decorate, 该词的本义是 to make something look more attractive by putting things on it, 如：①They decorated the room with flowers and balloons.（他们用花和气球装饰了房间。）②The cake was decorated to look like a car.（这蛋糕装饰得像一辆汽车。）即该词多用来修饰物，而少用于人，不如dress、clothe等更适宜。此句不妨译为：By that time, our nation can proudly stand in front of mankind, and our elegantly clad motherland will join hands with others on an equal footing.
对于[3]，较为典型的译文有：How glorious that day would be! It will never be far away but in the foreseeable future. We can all believe in that way, my friend! / Such a glorious is not hidden far away, but lies just in the near future. We can believe that, my friends / So glorious will the day not be far away, yet in a near future. We can have faith in it, my friend! 这类译文几乎与原文句式丝丝相扣，但未必是通顺、优质的译文。其中，再次出现了“朋友”，有进一步强调、加深之意，而“相信”也可不再用believe that。此句不妨译为：My fellow countrymen, we should all have faith that such a glorious day is not in the distant future but is as imminent as you can imagine.
总之，中英文里都有足够的词汇和表达方式来变换多样地描述、形容、议论同一事物、情景和感受，而译者此方面储备的丰富程度会直接影响其翻译质量。
优胜译文：
@人不在有事call
Beloved China (excerpt)
Fang Zhimin
Friends, I believe, by that time, everywhere has made vibrant creation and every part has gotten rapid progress. Paean will overwhelm the lament, smile will displace the tear, prosperity will eliminate the privation, health will vanquish the disease, wisdom will enlighten the folly, love will transform the hatred, the joy of life will dilute the sorrow of death, vigorous garden will spring the bleak wasteland! At that time, our nation can stand with no shame in front of the mankind. Simultaneously, the mother who gives birth to us will also decorate most beautifully, and go hand in hand with all mothers in the world on an equal footing. Such a glorious day, will never be in the distant future, but in the near days. We can believe so, friends!
@梅馥雪篱
The Lovely China (excerpt)
by Fang Zhimin
My dear friends, I hold a belief that by that time, active creations will multiply and updating changes take place everywhere. Merry songs will disperse sad signs and cries turn into smiles. Opulence prevails over privation and fitness banishes illness. The light of wisdom will illuminate through the ignorant darkness and hostility yields to amicability. With the joy of living dispelling the grief of death, a resplendent garden will blossom on the previously barren ground. Our people, emboldened then, is in a position to stand among all others, while our lovely mother, whose nurture finally pays off, will be adorned, hand in hand with other nations equally. Such a day to be commemorated, I shall say, is literally looming on the horizon rather in the distant future. We can believe in it, my dear friends!
@Allen Wong
Beloved China (excerpt)
Fang Zhimin
Friends, I believe, by then, that vibrant innovations and rapid progress will be everywhere. Joyful laughter will replace sorrowful sighs, smiles will displace tears, and wealth will substitute poverty. We will enjoy good health rather than suffer from illness, be wise instead of ignorant, share brotherly love instead of animosity, live happily rather than dwell on the sorrows of death, and stand in beautiful gardens, not bleak wasteland! At that time, our Chinese nation will stand before the world with glorious pride. Our splendidly adorned motherland will join hands with other countries on an equal footing. Friends! We have strong conviction that such a glorious era won’t be someday in the distant future-it’ll be arriving soon!
@温绍祺
My Beloved China (Excerpts)
Fang Zhimin
Please believe me, my dear friends! The day will finally arrive when our country will be enlivened with novel creations and rapid advances. Moans will give way to laughter, tears to smiles, poverty to prosperity, sickness to robustness, ignorance to wisdom, hatred to friendship. The grief of death will be replaced by the blessing of life, and our gloomy, deserted homeland will be turned into a garden of sunshine and blooming flowers. By that time, our nation will stand high and proud in front of all mankind. Our well-decorated motherland of China will be hand in hand with the others in grace and equality. Well, please trust me! The splendid day will be not far away, but just around the corner!