雅思写作题材解析及习作修改（八）
——动物类
文/唐老雅
一、雅思“动物类”题材考情分析
“动物类”话题在雅思考试中时有出现，考生也需要关注。考点及分布如下：
1. 动物实验，包括：（1）将动物作为药物试验的对象是对还是错？（2）使用动物进行药物试验是残忍和不必要，还是因为满足了人类利益而正义？
2. 动物保护和利用，包括：（1）野生动物是否过度保护？（2）我们是应该保护即将灭绝的动物还是专注于解决人类自身的问题？（3）人类是否应该将动物作为食物和衣料？
二、雅思“动物”题材经典考题
1. In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2016/03/12)
2. Some people think that too much attention and too many resources have been given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015/01/31)
对于“动物类”话题，以下观点可以借鉴：（1）我们要保护野生动物（wild animals），尤其是那些濒临灭绝的（extinct）动物，因为动物多样性（diversity）不仅是个生活乐趣的问题，更是关涉到自然平衡（balance）的问题；（2）总体上反对随意用动物做医学实验，因为这既残忍（cruel），也侵犯了动物权利（violate the animal rights），但是在某些情况下，动物实验也是必要的，因为动物实验推动的医学技术，既有利于人类，也有利于动物自身长期繁衍；（3）强烈反对将兽皮用作装饰性的衣物，这种为了人类自身的虚荣而剥夺野生动物生命的行为，纯粹是谋杀（murder）；（4）强烈反对食用野生动物，这既残忍又破坏生态平衡，但人类为了自身营养需要，可以食用某些家养动物：某种意义上，人类健康繁衍，这些家养动物的种族也才能够繁衍下去。
三、雅思“动物类”题材习作修改
题目
Nowadays living animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines. Some people think this is very cruel and unnecessary. However others believe that it is justified in the interest of human beings. Discuss these two points of view and give your own opinion.
学生习作
In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines. So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.
On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.
On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.
In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel. But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to find a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.
评分：5
老雅评改
本题需要讨论的问题比较具体：我们经常用活着的动物来试验新研发的药物，有些人认为这太残酷，而且也没有必要，但另外的人则认为这样做符合人类利益。如果我们做双边讨论，那首先就要讨论为什么用活着的动物来试验新药是残酷的（动物也有痛觉，动物也会感到痛苦），而且是没有必要的（可以用其他办法来试验，比如用模拟的方法等），然后就要讨论用活动物来试验新药的意义所在（比如可以挽救人类的生命，减少人类的痛苦），牺牲动物来挽救人类，这样做是有一定道理的。最后，要给出自己的观点，比如尽量减少用活着的动物来试验，尽量减少动物的痛苦和死亡，但必要时，可以牺牲动物。
习作结构清楚，有表达思想的基本能力，但用词、语法错误较多，同时，思想重复表达较多，语言重复也比较多，因此无论思想层面还是语言层面都没有显示出较好的灵活性。
第1段
In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines. So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.
【修改】Recently, the medical science has seen a rapid development. However, for various reasons animals are used for the testing of newly-developed medicines. So there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experiment.
【评析】开头段引入话题，然后重新表述题目观点。问题如下：（1）in recently是错误表达，应为recently，或者in recent years。（2）because of various reasons是不地道表达，应为for various reasons。（3）“... there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing ...”中，that 应为whether，同时词序需要调整。正确的应该是“... there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experinent”。（4）后面部分比较拖沓，修改时或压缩，或删除。
第2段
On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.
【修改】On one hand, some people think that living animal testings are justifiable on the ground that they are beneficial for human beings. Our health or even life may be at risk if untested new medicines are used. Hence, it is probably the best way to use animals to test whether the newly-developed medicine is safe for human patients, as there is no other better alternative so far.
【评析】本段论述动物试验的合理性。习作内容单薄，语言失误多。（1）it所指不明，应该是指“用动物来测试新药”，但这里已经是新起一段了，这样的关键词应该明确指出，而不是用代词。（2）It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings.本句中后边时态用were（过去时）令人匪夷所思，这里论述的是一般情况，没有涉及过去，应该用一般现在时；“... whose properties were uncertainty”中，uncertainty是名词形式，这里应该用其形容词形式uncertain。（3）本段重复使用题目中的“in the interest of ..., testing of newly developed medicines”，可以考虑替换一下说法。
第3段
On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.
【修改】On the other hand, there are many people who believe that live animal testing is unfair and brutal. Every life is equal. Human beings and animals have no difference in terms of life equality, so man has no rights to deprive animals of their life. Besides, animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings. Some medicines and experiments indeed cause huge pain on them. However, if people do not use animals to test the new medicines, they will not know the properties of them and then cannot use them on human beings safely.
【评析】本段讨论动物试验的残酷之处。习作重复表达多，且没有深入论证动物实验为什么残酷，修改文增加了animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings。（1）“... there are many people think that ...”是一种句型错误，应该为“... there are many people who think that ... ”。（2）deprive的汉语虽然是“ 剥夺”， 但其用法是deprive somebody of something，同样用法的还有rob somebody of something、relieve somebody ofsomething。（3）“But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know ...” 中，don’t use 与后面的wouldn’t know的搭配有问题，前面是一般形式，后面却用了虚拟形式。这也是很多学生常常犯的错误。正确的搭配应该是：“don’t use ... will not know ...” 或者“didn’t use ... wouldn’t know ...”。
第4段
In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel. But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to find a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.
【修改】Therefore, in my opinion, we should develop a better way to test the newly developed medicines which will make neither animals nor humans suffer. However, current scientific development is still too limited to find this way, so there is a long way to go before animals are no longer used to test the new medicines.
【评析】本段为结尾段，总结前文论述，同时提出自己的观点。（1）“...the science is limited”，这个表达有歧义，我们经常说的是science is limitless（科学无极限）。这里应该是说current scientific development is still limited。（2）“...it’s still have more work to do.”这句问题更大，it指什么？是science吗？那也应该是“... it still has more work to do”！