雅思写作题材解析及习作修改（四）
——旅游类
文/唐老雅
“旅游类”话题一直是雅思作文的宠儿，仅在2015—2016年就出现过四次。主要涉及如下内容：
1. 出国旅游的利弊，包括：（1）出国旅游使人偏见加深的原因和解决办法；（2）有些人觉得出国旅游不好，怎么改变他们思想；（3）出国旅游越来越容易是好是坏；（4）人们会不会从国际旅游中受益以及如何增进对其他国家的了解。
2. 旅游收费问题，如：（1）外国人参观旅游景点时是否应该比本国人支付更多的费用；（2）把文化景点开放给旅游收费是否有利于保护这些文化景点？
3. 旅游者素质问题，如：不能成为一个负责任的旅游者的原因和解决方法。
关于支持或不支持旅游，以下思路可供大家参考。
支持的理由：（1）旅游可以让人放松身心（make us relax both physically and mentally）；（2）旅游可以让我们接触不同的文化，开阔视野（open up/broaden our vision）；（3）旅游可以让我们接触自然，激发我们热爱自然（inspire our love for nature）；（4）旅游业能带来收入（increase the income）。
反对的理由：（1）旅游浪费时间和金钱（a huge waste of time and money），尤其是节假日旅游；（2）旅游往往污染环境（pollute the environment），破坏生态（ruin the eco-system）；（3）在网络时代，可以通过网络坐在家里看世界，不需要旅游了（Travel is no longer necessary when we can sit at home in front of the computer and tour around the world）。
以下是雅思旅游类经典考题。
It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about their cultures. We can learn from books, films and internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2016/08/04)
Some think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aiming at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. (2015/12/19)
International travel makes people more prejudiced rather than broad-minded. Why? How to improve the understanding of countries they visit? (2015/08/13)
Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for them. Why do they think so? How to change their views? (2015/05/03)
现在，唐老雅将提供一篇旅游类学生习作，并对其进行详细修改。各位请先阅读学生习作，看它的问题在多大程度上也是自己的问题，然后结合唐老雅对它从5 分到7 分的修改，揣摩唐老雅在思路、论点、论据、语言等方面做了哪些调整。唐老雅认为，从错误修改中学习雅思写作也许是最有效的。只要你紧跟唐老雅的步伐，期期阅读《英语世界》刊登的雅思系列修改作文，你会发现，你的雅思写作水平不知不觉就提高了！比不惜重金到所谓名师那里学习的效果要好得多！不信，你可以试试。
题目
Some people think that people can not benefit from international travel. Why is this case? How can people improve their understanding of other countries?
学生习作
Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not benefit from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.
Personally, some people think why people cannot benefit from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the country which I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.
Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the official language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.
Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.
评分：5
唐老雅评改
本题要求分析为什么出国旅行对某些人来说没有益处，并提出更好了解其他国家的办法。
现在出国旅游蔚然成风，那么为什么有些人觉得出国旅游没有什么好处呢？其原因无非是出国旅游花费巨大，耗时很多，同时，了解其他国家也可以通过报刊或者网络来进行，不必非要亲身到这些国家去。当然，你也可以分析，如果不亲身去这些国家，我们就很难真正理解这些国家，从而强调出国旅游的重要性。
本学生习作围绕题目要求，结合自己经历，因此内容比较充实、具体。基本能够用英语表达自己的意思，词汇使用显示出一定的幅度，但无论词汇使用还是复杂句型使用，都出现了较多错误，有些甚至影响了理解。老雅建议该生进一步练习英语句子的基本结构，确保先不犯大的语法错误。在用汉语思考的时候，想办法将比较复杂的汉语转化为更简单的汉语，然后用英语去表达。多练习写，并找人修订语法错误，总结出自己错误倾向，并专门予以改正。
第1段
Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not benefit from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.
【修改】Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose to travel abroad, but some people do not think they can benefit from travel to other countries. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understand other countries.
【评析】本段是开头段，先引出话题，然后重述题目观点，最后点出自己的观点。结构没有问题，但在语言表达上有瑕疵。benefit这个词是雅思作文中出境频率很高的词，一定要确保正确使用。benefit可用作动词，意思是“获益”，也可用名词，意思是“好处”，其形容词形式为beneficial，意思是“对……有好处的”。比如：
Both sides have benefited from the talk.
双方都从这次谈判中获益。
We need people working for the benefit of the community.
我们需要为社区利益工作的人。
第2段
Personally, some people think why people cannot benefit from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the country which I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.
【修改】Personally, I think the reason why people think they cannot benefit from international travel is that they have never gone abroad or will never. Travel is my favorite thing. I have traveled to 10 countries. I met a lot of interesting things during my each travel, even when I went to a country for the second time. I totally disagree that people just use books or Internet to understand other countries.
【评析】本段分析为什么有人认为出国旅游没有意义：因为他们从来没出国，将来也不打算出国。然后作者从自己的经历谈起，认为书和网络不是了解其他国家的最好办法。（1）第一句think引导的宾语从句中没有主语，正确的句型应该是the reason why... is that...；（2“I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the country which I go there for the second time”是比较大的表达错误，很难让人读懂，尤其是后半部分。
第3段
Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the official language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.
【修改】For example, before I went to Singapore, I thought that official language in Singapore is English, but when I visited this country I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish, a language that combines English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example, they call tea ‘Teh’ and coffee ‘kopi’. I had not known that on books or Internet before I went to Singapore. The information is usually very limited on books or Internet and they often offer similar information about a country, so we have to stay in a foreign country in order to really understand the local customs and styles. In addition, when I am traveling, I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better.
【评析】本段用具体例子证明为什么亲身出国旅游才能真正理解别人的文化。这样用一整段来举例的情况并不多见，也有一定风险，但写作就是这样，没有任何成规，只要符合题意就可以。一定要从理论上去讲为什么出国旅游才能理解别人文化，也许对这位学生来说有一定困难，或者说理不是其擅长，因此她举实际例证也可以说是一种合理的选择。这个例子很具体，而且相当个性化，因此给文章带来了出其不意的新颖。当然，由于这位学生的语言表达能力（尤其是语法）比较有限，在很大程度上抵消了这种新颖性带来的优势。
第4段
Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.
【修改】Admittedly, books and Internet are both the good ways for people to understand other countries, yet traveling to these countries in person, we will know, feel and taste their authentic culture.
【评析】本段为总结段。内容没有问题，首先承认书和因特网是了解其他国家的好办法，但随即总结自己的观点，即只有亲身出国旅游才能了解其他的国家的真实文化。习作最后一句是语法大错误，应该避免。