雅思写作题材解析及习作修改（三）
——科技类
文/唐老雅
纵观历年雅思考题，科技类题材频繁出现。主要涉及如下内容：
1. 科技发展的好坏讨论，包括：（1）机器广泛使用的优缺点；（2）科技进步影响生活是好是坏？（3）科技发展是否带来了消极的影响？（4）机器人对人类的未来很重要还是一个危险的发明？
2. 太空旅行，包括：（1）太空旅行是否只会惠及最有钱的人？（2）太空旅行是好是坏？
3. 现代通讯发展的利弊讨论，包括：（1）人们每天都能使用手机是否对个人和社会有消极影响？（2）人们受益于现代通讯技术还是完全没有受益？
4. 科技综合类，包括：（1）科技与环境：应选择低科技的生活还是利用科技来解决环境问题？（2）科技与艺术：艺术能给我们什么科技所不能给的？
关于科技对我们生活的好处和坏处，以下思路可供参考。好处：（1）科技让我们的生活更方便；（2）科技提高我们的工作效率，帮我们做危险的工作；（3）科技让我们得以超越日常生活，体验以前不可想象的世界。坏处：（1）发展科技需要大量人力物力，而这些资源可以用来改善人们有更迫切需要的日常生活；（2）科技发展有可能让我们失业；（3）科技可能让人与人之间的关系变得疏远；（4）人类可能被科技所控制。
以下是雅思科技类题材的经典考题。
1. Development of technology cause environmental problems. Some think people should choose a simpler way of life. Others think we should use technology to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (2015/05/09)
2. Scientific progress always influences our daily life. Do you think these influences are positive or negative? Give your reasons. (2013/03/23)
3. Space travel has been possible for some time and some people think space tourism could be developed in the future. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development? (2013/07/06)
4. Some people think that robots are very important for humans’ future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. (2011/01/08)
现在，唐老雅将提供一篇科技类的学生习作，并对其进行详细修改。各位请先阅读学生习作，看它的问题在多大程度上也是自己的问题，然后结合唐老雅对它从6分到7分的修改，揣摩唐老雅在思路、论点、论据、语言等方面做了哪些调整。唐老雅认为，从错误修改中学习雅思写作也许是最有效的。只要你紧跟唐老雅的步伐，期期阅读《英语世界》刊登的雅思系列修改作文，你会发现，你的雅思写作水平不知不觉就提高了！比不惜重金到所谓名师那里学习的效果要好得多！不信，你可以试试。
题目
Some people think that robots are very important for humans’ future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
学生习作
With the development of science and technology, more and more inventions appeared. Among the large number of inventions, robots might be the most debatable inventions. Some people worry that robots may destroy the society, however the other think robots are good for our lives.
As we know, robots have some disadvantages. For example, they force many human works out of their current jobs. And the cost of production of robots is very expensive. A number of people worry that robots will make decisions and act on their own, and they might harm or even conquer human society.
However, there are also plenty of advantages that robots have. For example, robots can achieve high efficiency and quality. And they can work in situations that are considered to be dangerous for humans, such as cleaning up radioactive waste. They can reduce safety hazards in workplaces. In addition, robots can keep working for long hours and they won’t feel tired forever. They can also save human labour cost and run a business for companies. Because of robots, companies can work safely and quickly. Generally speaking, robots are able to accomplish tasks that are thought to be impossible for us.
In my opinion, incidents such as robots attacking human only appear in science fictions and movies. We don’t have to worry about this kind of matters. And we have to admit that robots bring a lot of benefits to us and they are perfect workers of much hard work and difficult work. I believe robots can absolutely make the human society better.
评分：6.5
唐老雅评改
本题问：机器人对人类未来是好还是坏？有人说，机器人对人类未来有好处，其他人则说，机器人很危险，会祸及人类。很明显，机器人对人类有好处，但若使用不好，就会对人类产生破坏作用。机器人可以说是未来科技发展的一个典型，因此，对其他关于科技发展对人类影响的话题，都可做同样的论述。那么，机器人有哪些好处呢？我们能想到的包括帮助人们高效率完成工作，帮助人们做危险的或琐碎的工作，现在老雅还听说，机器人可以读书、玩游戏，因此可以成为孤独人类的伴侣。然后，机器人有什么坏处呢？首先，从制造成本来说，机器人是很昂贵的，尤其是现在还有很多人处于贫困中，花那么多钱来制造只能服务于某些人的机器人得不偿失；另外，大量使用机器人，还可能导致很多人失业；最后，想必亲们也看过不少机器人电影，经常有人类被机器人攻击甚至控制的恐怖场景。因此，机器人话题，应该是难不倒众位亲的。至于到底选择写什么内容，那就要看亲们自己对自己英语表达水平的了解了！
本篇学生习作内容切题，观点明确，结构清楚，语言基本正确，但在语言表达中还有不少欠精确之处，个别地方还是比较严重的语言错误。
第1段
With the development of science and technology, more and more inventions appeared. Among the large number of inventions, robots might be the most debatable inventions. Some people worry that robots may destroy the society, however the other think robots are good for our lives.
【修改】With the development of science and technology, more and more inventions have appeared, among which robots might be the most debatable one. Some people worry that robots may destroy the society, while others think they are good for our life and work.
【评析】本段是开头段，符合开头段的基本规范，即“引入话题+观点重述”。
（1）appeared这里使用过去时明显不合适。不少同学都不会区分过去时和现在完成时，其实只要大家记住一个事实就容易区分了：过去时涉及的是过去发生的事情，是过去的范畴，而现在完成时涉及的是现在发生的事情，是现在的范畴，只不过现在完成时强调的是过去发生的事情对现在造成影响，或者过去发生的事情到现在还在延续。本句中，“越来越多的发明出现了”是一个现在时的范畴，表达的是动作的延续性（即，“出现”的过程还没有终结，还在继续）。
（2）老雅这里将第一、二句合并成为一个长句。这里的 Among the large number of inventions，其实就是在重复前面一句中的more and more inventions，因此完全可以合并，将后一句处理为非限定性定语从句（当然，如果亲们觉得这个句型难以把握，那还是老老实实地写两个独立句子，这样错误的几率会大大降低，要知道，雅思作文既要写得精彩，但更重要的是要少犯错误啊！）。
（3）最后一句添加了and work，从后文看，本文不仅讨论了机器人对“生活”的影响，更探讨了机器人对“工作”的影响。
第2段
As we know, robots have some disadvantages. For example, they force many human works out of their current jobs. And the cost of production of robots is very expensive. A number of people worry that robots will make decisions and act on their own, and they might harm or even conquer human society.
【修改】As we know, robots have some disadvantages. For example, they force many people out of their current jobs. And the cost of producing robots is very high. Furthermore, many people are also worried that robots will make decisions and act on their own, and as a result, they might harm or even conquer human world.
【评析】本段谈机器人的坏处。首先明确本段的中心论点，然后用举例来论证。虽然略显单薄，但本段的论证还算靠谱，只有个别地方的搭配和表达出现了失误。
第3段
However, there are also plenty of advantages that robots have. For example, robots can achieve high efficiency and quality. And they can work in situations that are considered to be dangerous for humans, such as cleaning up radioactive waste. They can reduce safety hazards in workplaces. In addition, robots can keep working for long hours and they won’t feel tired forever. They can also save human labour cost and run a business for companies. Because of robots, companies can work safely and quickly. Generally speaking, robots are able to accomplish tasks that are thought to be impossible for us.
【修改】However, robots also have plenty of advantages. For example, robots can achieve high efficiency and quality. They can work in situations that are considered to be dangerous for humans, such as cleaning up radioactive waste. They can reduce safety hazards in workplaces. In addition, robots can keep working for long hours and they won’t feel tired forever. They can also save human labour cost and run a business for companies. Because of robots, companies can work safely and quickly. Generally speaking, robots are able to accomplish tasks that are thought to be impossible for us.
【评析】本段讨论机器人带来的好处。写作采用了与第二段完全相同的论证模式，虽然不错，但使行文显得比较呆板（考虑到尽量保持原文结构，老雅此处不打算对习作进行结构性调整）。本段一个比较好的地方是在某些地方用such as引导出来一些非常细节的内容（such as cleaning up radioactive waste），这是值得鼓励的一种做法，可以使文章显得更具体、更生动、更具个性化。我们知道，现在中国雅思写作教学中大家都在倡导背模板和句型，其结果是让大家的作文读起来千篇一律，毫无个性可言，这种作文写到极致，也难突破7分，相反，那些包含一定个性的作文会让考官看到你的独特知识面，独特感受，因此更容易得到高分。这里的“清扫放射性废料”就是一种个性化的东西，因为在其他学生作文中很难看到类似内容。
第4段
In my opinion, incidents such as robots attacking human only appear in science fictions and movies. We don’t have to worry about this kind of matters. And we have to admit that robots bring a lot of benefits to us and they are perfect workers of much hard work and difficult work. I believe robots can absolutely make the human society better.
【修改】In my opinion, incidents such as robots attacking human only appear in science fiction and movies. We don’t have to worry about this kind of matters. And we have to admit that robots bring a lot of benefits to us by performing the difficult and dangerous work. I believe robots can absolutely make human society better.
【评析】结论段符合规范，对前文进行了总结。老雅仅对表达不太顺畅的句子进行了调整。