12 Strange Businesses You Didn’t Know Existed

 

Adam C. Uzialko

 

Business as (Un)usual

 

Most businesses are frightfully normal. After all, what sells better than common goods and services that everyone needs? But humans are unusual creatures with unusual habits and desires, which has allowed some strange businesses to carve out a niche for themselves.

 

These 12 businesses are among those that have eschewed mass appeal for shock value, intrigue and the just plain weird. Would you ever patronize one of these companies?

 

Just Food for Dogs

 

You might have heard of cat cafes, or even dog-friendly restaurants, but have you ever heard of a restaurant just for dogs? If you’ve ever seen comedian Tony Hinchcliffe’s stand-up special “One Shot,” then you know there is a restaurant in Los Angeles called Just Food for Dogs that very much lives up to its name.

 

Just Food for Dogs caters to your canine companion with five-star service and gourmet meals. And if felines are more your speed, don’t worry. Just Food for Dogs skirts its namesake with its line of meals called JustCats. If you want something to eat though, human, you’ll have to go for a W-A-L-K.

 

Edible Shoes

 

Apparently, edible shoes are a thing. While most companies that make edible shoes are also in the business of producing more conventional fare, edible shoes are a large enough market that a quick Google search reveals dozens of results. Most of these tasty, toe-tapping treats are made of chocolate, which begs the question “What happens when they start to melt?”

 

Potato Parcel

 

Samwise Gamgee of Lord of the Rings fame forgot that in addition to boiling, mashing and stewing potatoes, you can also write on them and send them via mail.

 

Potato Parcel writes custom messages on potatoes and delivers them to anyone. Nothing says love like a potato you can’t eat because it’s been written on.

 

The Beerbelly

 

The Beerbelly sells products that help you creatively hide alcoholic beverages, like a flask disguised as a hairbrush and a pouch for holding liquor that conveniently goes around your torso and looks like – you guessed it – a beer belly. Other products are available on this website as well, like a flask that looks like a bottle of sunscreen and a sports bra (The WineRack) with beverage pouch inserts and a straw.

 

Cuddle Party

 

We all need a hug sometimes. Thankfully, things like cuddle parties exist. Cuddle Party does more than just hold on to you; they also teach you skills for creating boundaries and connections.

 

After opening with a welcome circle and learning some basic skills, the floor opens to freestyle cuddling. Cuddle Party’s services are available in various places in the United States, Europe, Canada and Australia.

 

Virtual Dating Assistants

 

If you’re fed up with the dating scene, you can outsource some of the work for you. Virtual Dating Assistants (VIDA) creates online dating profiles for you, has conversations with potential dates, and plans and organizes dates on your behalf. All you do is show up for the date at the designated time and place and have a good time.

 

Ugly Furniture

 

You can purchase one-of-a-kind furniture through Ugly Furniture. A group of guys who always wanted to own their own business chose to go into furniture-making, and they have come up with some truly creative (and handmade) pieces, all of which they claim are ugly. You won’t find quality like this anywhere else.

 

Dirty Rotten Flowers

 

Bad breakup? Good sense of humor? Have enemies, but you’re not quite ready to hire a hitman? Dirty Rotten Flowers is for you. This business sends bouquets of dead, rotting flowers to your not-loved ones.

 

Just keep in mind that because you’re not sending fresh, live flowers, this person doesn’t get the opportunity to love something and then watch it die and feel guilty because they kill everything they touch; however, sending a rotten bouquet will send a clearer message.

 

Neuticles

 

Bob Barker spoke wise words when he encouraged everyone to spay and neuter their pets. But are your pets really the same after they get snipped? If this is something you’re worried about, you can buy artificial testicular implants for your furry friends from Neuticles.

 

The company claims that its implants will boost your pet’s self-esteem – because obviously, your pets are very concerned about their sudden lack of body parts and don’t want their animal friends to know that they’ve been under the knife.

 

Reserve a Spot in Heaven

 

Yes, folks, this is real. You can purchase a place in heaven for you or a loved one through this website. The best part? If you don’t get into heaven, you’ll receive a full refund, though how the refund gets to you when you’re dead, the company has not disclosed.

 

Face-slapping massage

   

You can pay to be slapped in the face for several minutes in order to tighten your skin and remove wrinkles. However, the results aren’t permanent; you’ll have to go back to be slapped around some more. This type of massage, also known as face boxing, is popular in Thailand, but there is only one certified business in the United States, which is located in San Francisco. The company warns against fraudulent slappers who claim that they practice this “Thai wisdom.”

 

The Squirrel Census

 

Do you want to learn more about squirrels? Specifically, do you want to learn more about the squirrels of Inman Park, Georgia? Pick up a copy of the latest squirrel census.

 

The Squirrel Census organization tells stories of the gray squirrels in Inman Park, their fight for freedom from human suburbia, the jobs they do and their family lives. You can purchase copies of the latest census or buy t-shirts, beanies and other merchandise from the online store. Be sure to also sign the petition for squirrel representation in emojis.